The struggle of love

Post 2. 
I love everything about the number two. You have two eyes (with two lovely eyebrows above them), two ears, two legs, two feet, two hands… 
But mostly: when you're in love, you're with two (well, if you're lucky).
Now I'm in a relationship with the sweetest guy and I love him to death. And I know I should feel lucky, 'cause not the whole damn world gets the chance to meet the man they want to share the rest of their lives with at the age of 16 (although I strongly believe everyone should, it makes life a lot easier). But I'm not.
Now here's my problem. I don't have any doubts about my relationship, I simply got some… questions. Questions that shouldn't be there. 
The thing is: the man I'm in love with is a lot older than me (don't you worry, he doesn't have a beard that gets to his middle and his hair isn't turning grey-ish already) and he lives in another province (which is something like another state). We try to meet up once in two weeks (Ha, there you have it again) but it's very difficult. Mostly, in the beginning, I always travelled towards him - which is when I discovered I have a great fear of trains and their system - but now that isn't an option anymore 'cause I can't stand the lying to my parents. 
So meeting him is getting more and more difficult each time and when we're discussing the subject I get these weird knots in my stomach and the feeling that something isn't right. I cannot ignore this any longer, since I've always tried to be honest with myself. 
Maybe it's the fear talking, that soon he won't make such an effort anymore. Or even worse (and even more plausible) that I won't make such an effort anymore, after some time. 
Maybe it's the doubt that get's me every time before I make a decision. 
But those doubts are growing stronger and that's what makes me so insecure. I need a relationship which I can count on. Which I can rely on. But this isn't one like that. 
Or maybe I'm being a little over-dramatic and I should just be happy with what I've got, leave it to rest. 
But the again that won't make the knots in my stomach and the little voices disappear. 

- Sigh -